He
shared that story with the mentees to help them understand that the
inevitable crisis of confidence they’d face is a normal part of the
creative process — not a failure, but a universal human experience.
Experts
encourage us to be vulnerable, but it’s not that simple for everyone.
Women, people of color, and people from other marginalized groups are
already at a disadvantage when it comes to proving themselves at work.
For them, sharing their vulnerability can be dangerous. As Elaine Lin
Hering, author of
Unlearning Silence, puts it, “This advice is a luxury not afforded to me because of the identities I hold.”
Consider
a young female emerging leader I knew at a large tech company. Inspired
by advice to be more authentic and vulnerable, she confided her
imposter feelings to a couple of senior leaders. Unfortunately, their
response proved to be devastating — they perceived her as lacking the
confidence and leadership presence expected at a higher level.
As
the line between work and personal life blurs and personal
story-sharing gains popularity, it’s essential that people with lower
status in the organization navigate this territory with care and
intention. The
research suggests that feeling more authentic at work is
associated
with greater well-being and a sense of belonging. In contrast, covering
up your authenticity can feel stifling and lead you to search for safer
work environments. Furthermore,
research reveals
health impacts of silencing yourself. If you’re constantly calculating
and on high alert, the cognitive load can feel exhausting.
If
authenticity carries a cost, and concealing your true self isn’t the
answer, what can you do? Here, we’ll discuss some ways for employees to
be strategically vulnerable when they face a crisis of confidence, as
well as some ways company leaders can make it safe for them to do so.
How Employees Can Be Strategically Vulnerable
Be intentional.
What
makes being vulnerable at work worth it? Conduct an honest analysis of
the potential costs — for example, being passed over for promotions or
denied other growth opportunities. One Black male leader told me, “The
downside of not being vulnerable and authentic for me is like covering
up a wound that doesn’t heal. I don’t want to modify myself for my
superiors to give me value, but I am aware there’s a financial
implication.” This calculation is different for everyone.
Know your audience.
Do
they see you as competent? Do they care about your success? It’s
leaders’ responsibility to make it safe to be authentic and vulnerable —
but the reality is not all of them do.
If
you’ve done the calculation and determined that sharing vulnerably
isn’t safe, choosing to conceal your authentic feelings can allow you to
feel more in control and protected from judgment — and it might be the
right choice for self-care. You’re strategically weighing the costs of
being real with the costs of not self-disclosing.
Don’t forget the third act of your story.
If
you share your imposter feelings or another source of vulnerability
with someone, don’t leave out how you’ve learned to navigate them, even
if you don’t always navigate them brilliantly. You want to embrace a
future self that’s still evolving.
Think
of it as the third act in the three-act structure that’s universal to
all good stories. Act I is where we meet the protagonist (that’s you).
Act II is where the protagonist faces a progressive series of obstacles.
The low point inspires the protagonist to learn and grow, to discover
what’s most important. Whatever that most important thing is, that’s the
theme of your story. Act III focuses on the learning and resolution. For example, the film Up
reaches its conclusion with Carl realizing that even after the loss of
his wife, Ellie, there are new relationships to be formed and new
adventures ahead. There’s still a lot more growth to come, but we feel a
sense of resolution.
Find a cohort of peers that provides safety and advocacy.
Find
a group where members can advocate for each other. In early 2014 at
Pixar, we formed a group called the Story Artistas for the company’s
five women story artists. Every two weeks, these women shared stories of
feeling silenced or insecure. They observed men taking up more air time
while they struggled to be heard. Domee Shi, the first woman and person
of color
to direct a Pixar feature film,
credits this group
as essential to her growth as a leader and film director. It was within
this cohort that Domee and the four others finally felt confident
enough to declare, without hesitation, their ambition to be movie
directors.
How Leaders Can Make Vulnerability Safe
Develop leadership programs with status disparities in mind.
In
Pixar’s Mutual Mentorship Program, over the course of six months,
mentors became familiar with the experiences of their mentees, allowing
time to deepen trust and intimacy. Mentors and mentees got to know each
other by exchanging responses to questions like, “Share a pivotal time
that created anxiety but informs who you are today.”
Mentors’
deep connections with mentees sparked epiphanies about their own
experiences in contrast to those of lower-status individuals. They left
the program advocating for their mentees because they really valued and
saw them fully.
Mentees
gathered monthly to explore how they experienced power dynamics at
work, sharing times when they felt reluctant to speak up. With
discussion and tools, mentees learned and practiced how to calculate
whether and how to speak up. The mentee group formed a strong coalition
in which they felt emboldened to share their stories with more
confidence and intention.
Build a skillset to celebrate and champion lower-status individuals.
Create a climate in which people are rewarded, not penalized, for being vulnerable.
Data suggests
that only about a quarter of leaders develop the skills needed to
create psychological safety for their teams. The first step is to build
greater awareness of your biases. As a leader, enter meetings and
interviews asking yourself, “What biases am I holding?”
In
the Leading Inclusively at Pixar program, which is mandated for all 500
people leaders, participants completed a “trust map” where they listed
the names of those they mentored, those from whom they sought advice,
those with whom they socialized, and those with whom they spent the most
time on their teams. Big “ahas” came from this exercise, where leaders
realized their networks included mostly people of their own age,
ethnicity, gender, and organizational level. The call to action was to
populate the trust map with a more diverse group of people over the
course of the six-month program.
. . .
In
an era where the boundary between work and personal life is
increasingly blurred, navigating personal story sharing demands a
nuanced approach. For workers, sharing the personal remains essential to
their well-being and success, but requires an intentional and strategic
approach. The way forward for leaders involves dismantling workplace
paradigms that penalize some individuals for sharing with vulnerability.
To harness the power of storytelling in the workplace, we must work
toward eliminating structures that only favor some for sharing
authentically. By dismantling these barriers, we pave the way for a more
inclusive and empowering environment where the experiences of all
individuals are valued and celebrated.
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